It's been a long time. More than a month. But if I updated too often than everything I would have to say would be meaningless. We'll maybe it is I'm not sure if anyone reads these things, but I do want you to know, to my friends from home. I always read what you guys post. I just don't always have the time to think of what I want to say to you right away. Especially if it is something I feel I need time to think about. Okay I'm going to complain some here, I just can't not compalain becuase I am so unhappy. But I won't drone on and on. I'll give this a positive twist too.
For weeks now I have been miserable, but I have nobody to blame but myself for my poor attitude. I live each day like I'm surving, not living. I'm constantly on edge and I feel my muscles slowly withering away, tightening and sticking in strange ways. My shaking that I have always done has increased severly. I'm always pressed for time and during the school weeks I get by with 3-4 hours of sleep. I often am straining my hardest to stay awake in class, coffee doesn't work. I hate my apartment because everytime I go back Maggie's there playing Xbox not caring about a damn thing leaving a huge mess in her wake, of dried up food and band-aids and whatever else disgusting. A mess I don't have time to clean up until Thursday night. At which point I'm to tiered and I pass out. I find myself often procrastinating with my new obsession to watch clips on youtube. It's like an anti-social distraction and it's the only thing that makes me feel somewhat happy at home. I'm starting to realize I can relate to the people on these clips. So maybe that is where the obsession stems from. After all my life is full of lies everyday just like them and I lie everyday to myself and others just like her. It's hard to be happy when ya don't even have time to stay on the phone with anyone for more than a half hour. Then of course there is money. In which Maggie owes me a lot of by now, for bills and groceries and of course. I have a hard time asking for it I just need to get out of this stressful enviornment, and be with friends, my horse and my mom.
On the positive note, the projects at school are suddenly exciting and I'm finding my motivation returing. With that I'm working better and hopefully I can feel like my work deos not suck anymore. The other good thing is I love working in the mailroom with Wanda(my boss she is like my mom away from home. I find that it is usually the best part of my day. Plus everytime I talk to KD Brenn she can relate to me on her stress status and she listens to me vent. I'd probably have lost it without her by now. Lastly I'm so excited for pie giving I have big plans coming up and you guys should be expecting something from me soon. I wanted to do it before Halloween, but man I could not. I didn't have time!

Those who have the greatest power, have power over themselves. If I keep that in mind I can stay strong and be mopre independent for myself and for others. Please feel free to call guys I need a distraction and I would like to heat about your lives, or, fun times, or you can vent to me. I don't care!