It pisses me off, is nothing sacred anymore? Can one keep certain others from over stepping their boundaries. I don't feel safe anymore. Like I can't breath, I need to constantly look over my shoulder. Even DA is tainted now. For several reasons. What was once a sanctuary to me, might not be able to be one anymore, I hope that’s not true. I gotta watch what I say and the people that I wish to hear me and hear from, they just don't come on much anymore. Its not their fault, they are busy people going on with their lives. I’m busy too, I probably should not spend time on this site like I do. Okay, maybe not so much this site, but the internet in general. Since I have the lap top it’s easier now. Maybe I need to get one of those private blog things... er whatever, but I’m not into that. I come on DA because I want to be heard, but only by a select few or people that don’t know me personally and can’t be biased.

I really can’t stand how things are going right now though. Eh that’s not true, I just had a rough week, teacher stuff, not all bad though. What I do realize is I like my school, I really do and guess what? I’m freakin learning things! For REAL! Who would have thought? But in the end it doesn’t matter if I can’t shake off these gawd awful feelings I have. Being depressed can really rain on your parade. I’m just lonely, but not in the normal sense of having people around. I always have people around me, it’s different. It’s I want to be around MY people, and talk to MY people. I miss them and I can’t seem to forget it. Not even my mom has had much time to talk lately. I don’t have time really to call them or go home much, nor do I have the money. I think what it boils down to is I’m homesick. Fuckin hate that. I miss riding a lot too. A LOT LOT LOT LOT. Valentine’s weekend I was home and I got to ride Hank and it felt great and since then I can’t get it out of my head.

Anyway I have LOTS of homework this weekend and now that I’m done with my rant at the top there and I finally got to talk to my mom, I feel much better. My Psychology class is very interesting and it’s helping me. It’s making me see I need to be less pessimistic and I need to do better with my sleep. Depression can affect a person in just about every way. People who are optamist and aren’t depressed do better in school, work and their healthier and more energetic. I think I’m doing okay considering the fact I been feeling this way. Now if I could just get rid of the sad brooding feelings, I’d be set. But it’s hard.

One of my best friends is in Florida and everyday something happens or is said that makes me think of her. I don’t get to talk to her much between our schedules. It’s hard not to miss her and be saddened by the lack of time I get to spend with her. All my other best friends, with the exception of the select few best friends I have here at CCAD (thank gawd for them) are at home. Except Amber of course, but shes not here either. It’s okay though. I can miss them, I just need to stop becoming sad over it.

I been talking to my friend Jason a lot online, and occasionally Danny or Jimmy. They help. Getting to see my brother and go to the Blue Jacket hockey games with him also. Hanging out with Jess occasionally, or Sami. Work is also a relief usually Wanda is my unofficial CCAD mom and Katie Brenn is one of my best friends here. But what I think will really do me some good is my other best friend is coming up this weekend! Ish-arone! ^^ And she is bringing Cahn who I have also been talking to a lot and Reese. Yay! They’re gonna let me sketch them and were gonna have a fun times! It’s just the escape I need and maybe it will heal some of the homesickness, to have a big part of home’s charm here in Columbus with me!