This week has been a rough one. My spring break was last week and I got back home in C town sunday evening. Not sure why, but I got really depressed before I left Sunday.. well okay I know somewhat why. Portion of it was stress related, I mean its back to living homework and class, no sleep, bad habits. The other parts it's just hard to say, I mean that literally, but also some stuff not literally. One thing I can tell you is I miss my horse. I miss him a lot and every time I go home he seems to make it harder. I got to ride him 3 times this week, which is pretty great because I got like 5 people riding him. They all were canceling so I got to go out and ride . I'm out of shape, and that depresses me, but I can get over that pretty fast. Because even though my muscles have grown weak, Hank seems to make up for all that. Every time I went to see him this past week he was so great for me. He listened, tried his best and I despite being away I felt like we were connecting better than ever. Gawd damn it Hank you make me love you more. I felt generally missed for a change. It's so hard to tell with him, because he's not a sweet horse, he's more of the friendly punch you in the shoulder greeting personality, rather than hug you upon arrival greeting (if hank were human he'd remind me of Toph from Avatar, except BIG 0.0) He nickered at me though when he first saw me and I got this feeling like he was grateful. I dunno, but I miss him again. I miss riding it was so fun, and it is so fun especially when your horse and you are working well together. ^^

Another thing is I got rent issues. The rent was due yesterday and they still didn't get Mags half. I'm probaly gonna have to pay for the whole 600 myself. I can't keep doing that, I can't afford to and even if my mom and dad help, WE can't do that. My family is having enough issues with money and I feel bad. I hope I can continue to afford the rent myself, I hope it doesn't get to the point I need to ask them for help.


As for a couple other things, in the recent weeks I have come upon a very important realization about me personally, but I can't say what it is on here. Which frustrates the hell outta me, but it's not safe.

I am worried about my family. I will say this, a couple of things happen over break. One thing just showed how worried I should be, caused by the disasters of this last year. Then something else the night everyone was over, and at first I didn't think much of it. I didn't tell anyone and I pushed it out of my mind until later that night when there was only a few people left. I realized it might be a very serious issue, but at the same time I didn't know what to do. I felt backed into a corner and my to escape paths were both riddled with traps, different kinds of traps, but harmful traps none the less. Harmful to more than just myself, and so I did nothing, I pretended it didn't happen. I still don't know what to do, I don't want to tell anyone because I'm afraid of the consequences. So for now I'll just wait in my corner until I think it through. The two things that happen are very related, I dunno I feel helpless.

Spring break was a lot of fun and I got to see a lot of people I love, but... it left me with a lot to think about too. A bunch of different things, not good things. Of course I don't even have time to be concerned during the week. Hell, I don't have time to sleep how can I have time to take things in?

Whatever

Happy belated Birthday too to ish and Jimmy
I beat Ocarina of Time and got everything in it In A Day without cheating (im a nerd)
I got to ride with Deanna for once
I got some anime, yay no more spending
I got to see my Grandma and Aunt and she made us food

Now I really need to sleep, I have not really done so properly all week.