Yea shut up! I'm feeling pretty sad right now okay. It's exactly 1:00 a.m. right now and I can't sleep. Fair started today ya see and Hank was trailered to the fairgrounds. Now understand he's not going for me, I'm to old for 4h and I have been for two years now. Hank is the fair project for the two girls leasing him, Jenna and Susan. Mostly Jenna though because this is her last year in 4h, she is now 18 and has graduated from high school and is going off to college. Susan is only 10 and this is her first fair, she is a beginner rider and has many years of 4h and fairs ahead of her; and so for this reason Jenna will be showing in everything she can and Susan will show some walk trot, but Hank is mostly Jenna's for the week. The horses were brought to the fair today, but fair officially begins tomorrow so anyone who is bored should come down.... Although its expensive to get in, 6 bucks... but I'm bored it would be nice to have some company.

Ya see I'm going to try and be there as much as I can, but the thing is I'm not sure why. I won't really be doing anything. Jenna doesn't seem to like it when I'm around, I think I make her nervous and she is always helping Susan so I don't. She doesn't seem to want my help with Hank, but I guess I just wanta be there for him. He has gotten sick so many times in the past during fair and it's going to be really hot this week, I'm just worried. I get mixed signals constantly from the girl and I dunno I'm just really uncomfortable at times. Deanna will be there though so that is kind of a small relief, someone to hang out with, this is her very last fair. I dunno what I'm trying to say.

I'm sorry. I'm kind of sad, I really didn't get to ride much this summer. I had one last week before fair. Fair ends Sunday, but school for me starts Monday ya see so I'll be leaving before fair is even over. That isn't even what bothers me though. I just... I got to ride last Sunday and Monday, but I had to do it kind of unbeknownst to Jenna, because she doesn't like when I ride him the same day as her. Then I pretty much had my move in trip too Cbus and Cincinnati. I just got home Sunday evening around 5:00 and I went to the barn to ride one last time, because I wasn't going to get to before I leave for school other than if I get to show on Wednesday night at fair.

No girth at the barn...
This had happened to me once already when I went to ride the only day I really got too, a Monday. That time someone had taken it after a show on Saturday and never brought it back before that Monday. This time was different, it had already been taken to the fairgrounds before the horse even went. My girth. The only one we had to fit Hank there. I dunno if it was intentional, but I'm sure she didn't want me to ride that night. She kind of flipped out one day when she found out I rode him for like 15 minutes the day after she had a show with him.

I just CAN'T do it okay. I just can't NOT ride him, okay. So I rode him bareback. I haven't gotten to ride Hank much all summer. I went out there every single day the first two months I was home and I only got to ride a handful of times. I was lucky if I got to ride him twice a week. I don't take lessons anymore because I can't afford it. Can't ya see it kills me inside that I can't not be around all year. Can't ya see how self conscious I am about my riding strength. Can't ya see how much it kills me that I can't keep up with him anymore as a good partner does. How sore I am after one little bareback ride. You'll have your splendid last fair and you'll get your shiny ribbons just as you have all summer long. Then you'll get to leave him properly with a goodbye, but will it really matter cause ya don't seem to like him that much. Well I'll get to leave midway through a very hectic and busy week without one last nice relaxing ride. There is so much more I can say, but I'm just going to stop. All I'll say now is, tonight I got to watch a bunch of the girls riding their horses in the cool night under the big lights in the fairgrounds arena, well people walked around preparing for the fair that starts tomorrow. People working their horse, or walking them around to get them use to the lights of the ferris wheel or the strange animal sounds, people riding and chatting, people stopping to watch as many people got in their first ride of the week. All I kept thinking was, I miss that. What a thing the first night of fair with your horse was, one of the most exciting and fun times. I don't think I have ever wanted to ride so badly in my life watching everyone else get to.

I don't mean to sound so down. I'm going to 180% the subject now. I moved into my new apartment and I'm going to put pictures up. I dunno why, but I look at going back to cbus as both a curse and a blessing. I want to get away and I am excited about my new place and stuff. But at the same time I'm so unready to leave, leaving in the middle of fair has thrown me for a loop and I have not gotten to see my friends really much at all since my Birthday on August 4th. Speaking of that... things were up and down. My car broke the day before and was toed to the shop and it was there all day. When I woke up that day nobody was home and I had no car and I also didn't know if anything was really going to happen. So I kinda just waited around all day, kind of stuck until my doorbell rang. Jess! She showed up at my door and she got me Bleach season 3 and ice cream and told me she would take me anywhere. It was great and it made me feel very nice that she did that for me, I'm afraid I wasn't much fun for her, but I thank her deeply ^^. That was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. Things got better after that, until well I won't say. I had to make a decision, one of those things where you can't make anyone happy again and it cost me as I knew it would. I thought about it for so long it's just until these last few days with moving that it is finally starting to drift out of my mind thankfully because it makes me feel sick. I didn't want to fight anymore with anyone and so I won't.

Change subject again! I start school a week from today and I am very scared, but I'm hopeful and trying my best to be positive. It's hard because I am depressed to about the fair thing and leaving all my friends again and not getting to see them really, but I'm going to try and set one last group date before I go.

On my free time, like now when I can't sleep at 2:12 a.m. I been watching Bleach like no other. Ya see I saw it on T.V. last Sat and saw they were on episode 140.... maaaannnn last episode I had watched was like somewhere during these filler episodes during the bount arc. The show just got kinda boring and hard to keep up with during school. But then Jess getting me Season 3 send me back in full swing. After watching season 3 i started watching all the episodes right after it, where the bount arc starts, even the ones I already saw. And I finally caught up to where it is on T.V. just tonight! Just finished watching episode 142 and am excited about the new episodes next Saturday.

I love Bleach, but man there is so many damn characters with really hard names to say and then all their swords have names... GAH! I'm trying so hard to learn all their names, of course I knew all the main characters.... But all the captains, lieutenants, their swords, other much more miner characters, and all the bad guys that come along... IT'S HARD! It wouldn't be so hard if I could say their names.... a lot of them are long Japanese names that are either hard to say or similar to another characters name in the show. FUCK! I finally memorized all the captains squad number and who their lieutenants are... didn't say I could remember all the names though. Alright whatever!
My favorite character is Rukia.... SHUT UP! I don't care if she doesn't get to do much, I think she is cool. Ya see one day I was wearing my Bleach shirt that I got from my awesome friend Reese and someone at my school asked me who my favorite was and I told her Rukia. She looked at me quizzically and said,
"Really....?"
Uh... yea! Why the hell would I lie?! I know Rukia doesn't get to do much in the beginning, but she has a certain charm about her. She is intelligent and pretty amusing at times and she is tougher then she looks. I mean half of the time she doesn't have any of her powers and she still manages to do things, it's not her fault luck hasn't been on her side. First with the substitute thing giving all her powers to Ichigo, then the gigai she got from Kiske, then they take her into custody and she wears that collar, then the hougyoku being in her body, then during the bount arc that jerk Mabashi takes over her and then to top it off that lesbian bount bitch, (not that I care she was a lesbian, but that was creepy when she went to cut off Rukia's clothing.) Yoshi hunted her down and got a hold of that kid and.... Well okay I am really going off. Sorry I am very defensive of my favorite characters. Well anyways, to end this rant about Rukia, when she finally does get her powers back she is awesome and her sword is by far the prettiest.
SO THERE!
I don't know why, but I notice I tend to always favorite female characters in things watch. I dunno I guess it's like, I'm a girl so I like good female heroines. I can admire them even if there fictional. Not always, but just a lot of the time and I also notice I can't seem to ever like the very main character the most. Just something about it feels blah like... well duh everyone likes him, because I use to like Ichigo, but I just can't like him more then other people. I think it's just because he is the main character, I do like him a lot still. Bleach actually has a ton of likable characters it's hard to find ones I don't like.
Speaking of Rukia other sweet female characters I have a fondness for that deserve a shout out...

Favorite Females

Ran Kotabuki,
Quistis Trepe,
Toph Bei Fong,
Aerith Gainsborough,
Hinata Hyuga
Orlha & Kid,
Kiyone,
Suzuka
Videl Satan,
Ami/Sailor Mercury,
Tetra/Zelda
Kahlan Amnell
Bell

There of course is many other awesome female characters out there, but shouting out to all would take me forever... I notice in Bleach alone I like almost all of them... not quite, but almost. heh yea... Alright I'm done talking tonight. Anyone who read this whole thing.... I commend you